"How can I get my kids to talk?"
Many of the staff at the Saint Louis Crisis Nursery are parents, and we understand the struggles of communicating with our children, especially during these stressful times.
As the world is currently dealing with uncertainty, anxiety, and sadness, many adults struggle to cope. So, you can imagine how it is for our kids to cope. Lucky for us, children are quite resilient! They (and we) will often come out stronger from these experiences with positive support from the positive people in their lives.
We often hear from parents, “My kids don’t want to talk to me” or “I don’t know the right words to say.” In these situations, we suggest using a language the kids do understand—art and play. Get out the crayons, the markers, the dolls, play-doh, and blocks, allowing your kids to tell their stories and share their feelings their way.
Encourage them to scribble out their mad feelings.
Design/color mandalas or coloring pages together to relax
Create cards or letters for family and friends they miss while social distancing. Let them share fun memories and plans to make new memories in the future.
Encourage them to tell their stories with dolls, super-heroes, and figurines. Or model how we can take care of each other by hugging the sad doll or listening to the mad figurine.
Smash, squeeze, and pound play-doh to release mad feelings and then create happy items from the play-doh.
Build safe spaces out of blocks or boxes for the dolls and discuss who the safe people are in our lives, in our family, and what those safe spaces look like, is it home, school, church, or the Crisis Nursery?
Play board games and cards. Discuss being a gracious winner or gracious loser. Discuss how we can learn from our mistakes and become a better, stronger player/person.
Have a dance party! Dance to slow songs, fast songs, loud songs, and quiet songs. Get our muscles moving and help our bodies to relax.
Sometimes, it might be too hard to talk about our feelings or what’s going on in the world. Create a family journal, a notebook, kept in the kitchen, the living room; somewhere everyone knows where it can be found. Family members can write or draw what they are feeling or thinking that might be too hard to say aloud. Later, when everyone feels calm and relaxed, get out the family journal and share those feelings and thoughts, building a better understanding for everyone.
Talking to our children about life experiences and feelings doesn’t have to be a formal project or step-by-step instructions; it can just be everyday moments too. Invite your child(ren) to cook with you, working together to create a nurturing meal for the family, building care for others. Invite them to fold laundry, clean, organize with you, and share how it can help us feel less anxious when things are in their place or smell clean. Invite them on a drive, maybe just the two of you or the whole family. Turn up the music and sing along or have quiet time and observe the world around you. Take a walk and observe the beauty around us and take deep breaths to help our mind and bodies to relax.
Together, we will get through these tough times. Take time to listen to others (especially our children) and ourselves. Take time to love and treat others the way we want to be treated. And have patience with each other because we are all going to weather the storms differently.
—Ann Wier, Saint Louis Crisis Nursery Art Therapist